Why We Don’t Want to Know

IMG_8899.JPGWhen people discover that we don’t plan to know the gender of our second child till D-Day, I get a range of reactions; some are excited, others are in shock, and many just look at me with wide eyes and ask, “but why?”.

The bottom line: it’s not something I’m in any rush to find out, because whether or not we have a boy or a girl we will treasure and love this child just as much as we do Fin.

There is this Western (almost global) belief that a family unit is only perfect when you have one of each sex. People will often encourage a couple to “try again” when they have been blessed with two girls or two boys. I have been told repeatedly by well-meaning friends that they are praying I have a girl. “Sana girl” is a phrase my husband and I hear almost everyday. I’m one to think this puts a demand on both parents and baby that we have no control over. And any energy that makes my growing baby feel less desired is something I never want him or her to feel. Ever.

And like my dear friend, Chesa (who held off on knowing the gender of her baby) once told me, “There are so few real surprises in the world these days, why not make this one of them?”

I’d love to hear what you think in the comments section below.

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Comments

  1. Very well said Cat. When I was pregnant with my second child, I hear this a lot. “Sana boy
    na” or “isa pa if not a boy?” We always explain that we’ll still love and cherish the baby, but it really gave me unnecessary stress and pressure. I remember one of the Berber families we visited in Morocco. Had 11 daughters and finally the 12th is a boy. They just kept on trying until they have a boy in the family. 🙂

    • Wow! 11 daughters! It’s fascinating to learn how other cultures work. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Em! 🙂

  2. I agree to what your friend Chesa said. But me I can’t wait to know the gender right away! It’s a cute surprise nga naman to know the baby’s gender as soon as you deliver him/her. As long as the baby is healthy, there no better blessing than to have him/her complete and healthy

  3. I had two colleagues who waited until D-Day to find out the gender of their baby.

    Planning to do the same when it’s my turn. I love the idea because it just adds to the excitement and also people won’t be obliged to give you stereotypical colored baby items (blue for boys and pink for girls).

    They both had girls, by the way. 🙂

  4. I agree 100% on not knowing the gender. It spares you from (unwarily) pondering on how things would should must be given if you have both boys or one of each sex. Or at least that’s how I am. Hehe a complete misuse of time and energy. Plus the fact that you’re not one who wishes a specific gender sibling for fin. I think it’s a really nice to choose to be surprised cos really life is about unfolding gifts! Thats why now or today is called present. May you have the EQ to hold off knowing that long. May the force be with you! Hehe all the best!

    • Haha. Thank you, Joyce! I think my willpower has been pretty strong. It’s my husband who is actually dying to know. 🙂

  5. I don’t think anyone means anything negative when they say “sana girl” (or for parents with girls, “sana boy’). It’s just a natural small talk topic of conversation with a pregnant woman.

    Anyhow, I would want to know the gender of my child. It will still be a surprise, whether I find out now, or on D-Day. Having said that, you should totally wait for D-Day if that’s what you prefer. Hoping for a safe delivery for you and Fin’s little brother/sister!

    • Yes, I agree that it is a very small talk topic, especially here in the Philippines. Everyone means well in the end. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Stella! 🙂

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